I looked back at what I wrote before the wedding. Friday night I talked about how I was pleasantly surprised at how well the day had gone, although I had been dreading it. I wrote:
I'm still a bit concerned about tomorrow, but I know God will bring me through it. Last night I was lying in bed saying, "Please, Jesus, just bring me through it." I know that he will, and just maybe he'll have a couple happy surprises in store for me, like he did today.
He sure did! Overall, it was a lovely day. Last night I made a quick list of highlights, but in no particular order. I was so tired that I'm surprised I was able to think at all. This afternoon I took only my 2nd Sunday nap since leaving college. I was quite tired, but once again it was a happy tiredness. I'm thankful to have been blessed with those lately.
Anyway, the biggest thing I was stressed out about was being lonely. But after meeting Kelsi on Friday. I felt slightly more at ease about that. Even still, her husband was going to come down for the wedding, so there was still that element of having no one that I was anxious about. But I prayed that God would carry me through, and trusted that it would be so. I just didn't expect such abundant blessings. The 4 of us bridesmaids meshed well, and the groomsmen were nice guys too. The ride to the location for pictures was comfortable, even though I didn't really know where I was going. Obviously when it came to the ceremony, I really had no need to be with anyone. Walking down the aisle with one of my fellow bridesmaid's husbands was not as awkward as it could have been, perhaps due to the fact that I had predetermined not to feel awkward about it. The time between the ceremony and reception was the hardest part. We stopped at Lakepointe Bar & Grill, because it was one of the bride and groom's favorite spots. They had to leave the church first to get everyone else moving, but wanted to show up at the reception hall after all the guests. There I felt most alone, but it was just for a brief time.
The reception I anticipated to be the most difficult, and in truth there were ups and downs. My determination to not be left out aided me a great deal. I took a proactive approach to finding company and either attached myself to Briana and Chris, who were sitting next to me at the head table, or walked around finding people to talk with. There were moments that I just felt so completely alone. At one point, I got warm and tired while dancing, and went and sat back at the table to drink some water. I sat there watching people dancing and laughing and talking, and had the thought that if I were to leave right then, I wasn't sure anyone would miss me. But shortly an old classmate came by and we chatted. He wasn't a wedding guest, but rather his father's company was catering. He left our class in 4th grade, but after 5 years at a small school like ours, there are still connections and memories. We had talked a bit earlier in the evening about what each of us was doing, and there with me sitting at the table we talked a little bit more. It was very comfortable and made me forget that I was lonely.
I'm not proud that at one point I lost it. I wanted so badly to be able to keep a smile on my face throughout the whole night. I didn't want to steal anything from Kendra's joy, and from the celebration of Kendra and Eric's love. Thankfully, I was hiding a little bit, and only one person really saw me. Like the good friend she is, she came over, listened to me, and then distracted me, which allowed me to get back to celebrating. By the time the night was over and I got home, I had a smile on my face.
Besides that, I "caught" the bouquet! My integrity compels me to reveal the truth of the story though. I was outside talking to some friends when they called for the single girls to come catch the bouquet. I didn't hear it, but someone else called my attention to it, so I went back in. I stood there with the other 10 or so girls, thinking that I would reach for it if it headed in my direction, but I certainly wasn't going to fight for it. As it turned out, the bride threw it over all of our heads, and all of us turned and looked at it, unmoving. At that moment, I decided that if everyone else was just going to stand there, I would pick it up! So I ran around the people standing behind me and picked it up off the floor. I danced around with it, having fun with the fact that I "caught" the bouquet.
So the happy surprises?
- The natural friendship I found in Kelsi, the maid of honor
- The ease and comfortable feelings I had around the bridal party in general
- The company of an old friend to help me forget my loneliness
- The many compliments I received that boosted my confidence--I know this sounds selfish or shallow, but its easier to be outgoing when your confidence is raised
- The overall happy feeling that I had throughout the course of the day
God keeps revealing his faithful provision to me over and over again. Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me, and providing for me beyond what I expected.
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