Anyway, today (not according to the clock, but according to my sleep cycle) is August 8. It is a significant day due to its six-month counterpart. February 8 is not a day full of happy memories for me. Two friends have died on that day, one year apart. The first was the Resident Director at Providence. Young, married, and enthusiastic about her new position at Providence, she left us just 6 months after she joined us. So I guess somewhere around two years ago from now she began at Providence, but also saw an increase in cancer markers that noted her 3rd occurrence of cancer. The second was 6 months ago, a man not even a year older than myself, who suffered complications from a procedure which sent him to the hospital for three weeks before he met the Heavenly Father face-to-face. Facing David's death on the one-year anniversary of Jen's death was almost more than I could handle, and I certainly didn't deal with it well. Now, six months later, I'm still processing much of what happened that day, and how much the deaths of those two people have impacted me.
February 8, 2009, saw the passing of a friend, mentor, and inspiration from this life into the next. Jennifer Uwarow was just in her 30s, but had already had more than her share of suffering by dealing with 3 separate occurrences of dangerous cancer. The final bout was the one which finally defeated her. Though at the same time, death was not victorious. She lived a truly inspirational life, and was a clear representation of Christ's love to all around her. Though many were left crying and mourning her departure, to know that she was with Christ in a body that was brand new, completely healed, never again to be stained by sin, gave cause to rejoice. But even still, a year and a half later, if a thought of Jen catches me off guard, tears are quick to flow. Just yesterday I went back and re-read her blog. Jen was an amazing writer, and her words are beautiful and moving. I also re-read Jennifer's eulogy, which was done by her sister, which contained notes and thoughts which cannot be appropriately described. To call them beautiful is an injustice, for they are so much more.
One of my favorite passages of Jen's writing follows:
God is Himself preparing me for a change of address. I am moving out of this dirty and deteriorating temporary shelter that is me into a heavenly and lasting home, never to be relocated. This new home designed by God "eternal in the heavens" will never need a remodel. A raw look in the mirror and the insufficiency causes a sigh of shame: scars of imperfection, a pale color caused by weakness, a chair beside me to relieve the burden of standing. I still haven't removed the old calendar taped to the mirror. July reflects that last chemotherapy appointment. I should probably take down that reminder of painful moments gone by, yet the human capacity to count-down to painful days not yet marked will still be there. Taking another glance at my reflection, I know that it will be difficult to say goodbye to the eyes staring back at me. I want to live. I really do want to have this scarred body for just awhile longer. As Paul says, "not that I would be unclothed" I want God to "further clothe" me so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.
As I read her words again and again, I began to think about the best way to share them with others. They shouldn't remain stagnant or cooped up in one corner of the internet. It would be like holding a butterfly in a too-small cage. That analogy falls short, but it begins to touch on what I mean. I was thinking about this around the same time I was considering how to lead a high school girls' small group. My first thought was to work on a book that Jen was working through with some of us Providence girls in the months immediately prior to her "change of address": a book study of Ecclesiastes and the idols of our hearts. But the writing and the storyline tethered to the study are aimed at adults, and I don't know that it would be appropriate or accessible to high school girls. I started searching online, but I don't want to study anything cheesy or beneath these high schoolers. I want something that will challenge and stretch these girls, while still being beneficial and an aid in trying times. And I kept coming back to Jen's writing.
I haven't figured out what my exact plan is for my small group. I still need to talk to the leadership of the youth group to find out their expectations and hopefully gain some wisdom from their advice. But I do know this: the first time I meet with my girls is going to look quite similar to the first time Jen met with our Bible Study group in September 2008. I'm going to read the same book she read, Hope for the Flowers, of which she gave me a copy for my birthday that year. I'm going to tell my girls about Jennifer Uwarow and continue her legacy, and every time we meet I'm going to share something with them from her writings. And hopefully more lives will continue to be touched, and more people will have the opportunity to see Jesus through one of his most beautiful creations.
1 comment:
I've been thinking a lot about Jen too. I'm glad that she got her change of address, but I'm kinda wishing that she still had a phone number.
Love you Kel!
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