"Idol-Busting"

Friday evening my 20s/30s church group is beginning our study of the book Breaking the Idols of Your Heart by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III. I'm very excited for this, although there are some mixed emotions that come into play as well. I began studying this book almost 2 1/2 years ago under the leadership of Jen Uwarow, the resident director at Providence who, over the course of a few months began a final and rapid decline as a victim of cancer. On February 8, 2009 she became a conqueror through Christ, entering heaven as a completely healthy woman again. In the midst of this decline, she was leading a Bible/book study to a group of 9 girls. We made it just a few chapters into the book before she grew too sick to continue. For the last 2 years I held on to the book, planning to return to it, but in a couple different opportunities I found the task too heart-wrenching, returning me to my selfish sorrow that inevitably breaks me down to tears.

Now I have returned to the book in earnest. The 20s/30-something group at my church is taking it on, knowing the heart of what it means to me, but perhaps unaware of how deeply it still touches me. Today I dug out the notebook in which I had begun recording thoughts and answering discussion questions. My task is to lead the first chapter this coming Friday. Looking at the difference between my answers today and those from nearly 2-1/2 years ago, I felt hopeful that maybe I was actually learning the lessons God was trying to teach me even so long ago. I in no way feel like I have successfully overcome the particular idol from showcased in the first chapter--that of power and control--but I see God's work in my life.

Whenever I think of Jen I return to her CaringBridge site, of which the last post is the eulogy written and read at her memorial service by her twin sister. The beauty of the words echoes the beauty that was Jen's heart. I wish I could share Jen with everyone I know. Although I know she would be quick to remind me of Christ and not of herself. But the amazing thing about Jen is that her life points to Christ. By sharing Jen, I am sharing Jesus. Her words of faith are the perfect exhibit of the hardest lessons Christians have to learn.

Jen was a far better writer than I could ever hope to be. Her words were clear and poignant and stick in my heart and head far more than any writer I ever studied in an English class. I'm looking forward to Friday and borrowing some of her phrases for the purpose of study and discussion. I'm excited to pass on her legacy to another group of people who never got the privilege of knowing her personally.